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Lights out confusion

What do you do when there’s no electricity and it’s late at night? In other words when you can’t watch TV or go out with friends.  This are the times I remember I have novels gathering dust that I could read next to a flickering candle. I blame it on e books. I remember a time I used to love the smell of books. When the feeling you got from walking into a library was unmatched. Oh well. It was during one of this blackouts I happened to catch a glimpse of myself on the mirror as I was looking for one of those books. I was in this flimsy romper I wear at home. You know, the cover ups we all love rocking at home when you let the girls free. (Y’all understand me ladies ;-)) I attribute the next train of thought to this moment. I saw the girl on the mirror and suddenly realised I might be a hypocrite. Let me explain. I strongly disdain sexual objectification. The mere hint of being objectified riles me up. I mean the dislike has progressed that I think I can say my reaction to any kind of sexual objectification is instinct. But do we or rather do I invite those comments? You know by’ dressing to impress’ the plunging necklines, short dresses etc. Do we do it for the compliments?  Of course this being our unconscious thoughts at work. Dressing up thinking, “I want to look awesome.” But come on aren’t we doing it for the “ulikuwa unakaa poa,” and other absurd comments that follow this words by some of the boy child collective huko whatsapp? I realised that I might unknowingly contribute to some of these comments that I hate so much. One of the units I’m taking has a theory that holds that, its primal instinct to look for mates (the wide pelvis, big bosom, tall, muscular qualities of good looking mates). Maybe all the opposite sex utterances is vocalisation of true natural reactions to how we dress. Others go too far and I’d like to think they are stuck in Id behaviour (psychologists in the house ;-)). They are simply pricks.

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One my relish in the possibility that girls do skimpy outfits due to social conditioning. The,’ boys like this and I have to be noticed somehow’. Or due to peer pressure from (madem wa Nairobi) as one girl referred to them in high school. I could not accept this so ‘kujipa consolatation’, I thought we dress the way we do for the “anajua kuvaa” talk behind our backs by our female counterparts. A hidden or desperate need for attention or need to be liked by others. This in my book is a better explanation than my previous take. Anyway my overthinking mind can take a back seat for I’m not changing my wardrobe. I’d like to believe that I am. I thought writing this down would help with the confusion. It helped a little bit. I don’t want to be objectified but do I want the compliments to stop?

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